Oye! It's one of the dreaded days we unfortunately have to go through every year. The 3 year anniversary of my little sister Lou(Shalice) passing away. I have been avoiding Facebook & now Instagram, because I'm horrible & I don't want to think about it.Unfortunately work has slowed down this moment & here I am thinking about it. I guess I will get this out on here & won't sob into my pillow too much tonight.
I still remember that horrible day like it was yesterday. I remember pulling into work & getting that dreaded call, I remember seeing my sister Chelsie's face through the glass doors as I walked up to the emergency room & I knew. One of the worst parts that still haunts me was the sobs of my little (youngest) brother Garrett outside in the emergency room pull up, it was horrible as it echoed off the concrete. A heart wrenching cry that says I will never be the same.
I am very glad for the memories we did get to share with lil miss Lou. I will cherish them forever. I have my days where I am content with her passing. and then there are days that are a lot harder that I wonder WHY?
It's especially hard on days like weddings, and other big life changing events. I know she is watching over us, and is our guardian angel, but it still can be very hard. I am having a baby & the first thing she said to me after I got married was "yay! now you can have babies" I know she has watched over my baby or babies(future), but I still wish I got to see Lou with him or her.
I'm obviously not having a very positive day. Yes everything happens for a reason, but I still wonder what life would be like if she had not had to leave us. This has been a not so easy past 3 years for this family of mine. Lots of madness, we are definitely not the same family we were 3 years & a day ago. There will always be a hole. I wonder if some of the crap events that have happened would have been different had she not passed.... I guess I need to not think like that.
I honestly wonder if this family would survive without my dad, He is definitely the ROCK of this family. The most amazing strong man in the world! He is always positive, and has been through more than any of us. I sometimes get very frustrated with him, because he is so strong and never gets mad or complains. I sometimes picture myself shaking him & saying come on yell get mad! I DARE YOU! ha ha I think it just frustrates me because in comparison to him I feel like a huge baby. If you know him you know how amazing he is. He is the GLUE that gets us through for sure.
Anyways Lou I really really miss you!! I know I tell you every night in my prayers & I know you know.
For or some reason being pregnant makes me really really miss you more. I know you would have been super excited, and always wanting to babysit. Watch over my babies and those who need it the most in the family. I can't wait to see you again someday! xoxox
