i haven't written in awhile, been too busy, had too much on my mind. i'm back though and I want to get some thoughts out. i've decided I need to learn to keep my damn mouth shut. life really has a way of making me eat my words. i'm not having a kid, i could never be a stay at home mom. well foot in mouth. Point made life. never say never. you don't really know until you are there in the situation. I was young & I was a dumb ass when i said those things.
parenting...
yes this is all i talk about these days. it is my whole existence. it is mostly all i think about, and all my life revolves around. besides the occasional book i've read, some good albums and a rather disappointing one. parenting is really all i have to talk about. this doesn't get you friends ha ha, at least it doesn't score any points with mine. they don't have kids. the ones that do have kids have older ones and are too busy. i sometimes feel like the before child me no longer exists. i still love all the things i did before, and i'm still me. it's just not important anymore. i hope this doesn't sound like i'm complaining, i'm not sad about it. it is what it is. i love asher more than anything in the world and that is why other things are no longer important. i am excited for the day my friends have babies tho and join the mommy world.
i never thought...
i knew my child would come first before i had one. i just never realized how first that was. i never thought if the choice was between me peeing or my crying baby getting fed i'd hold it & feed the baby first.(no I don't always baby him that much, just an example. i do go to the bathroom.)
i never thought breast feeding would be so so damn hard and so amazingly bonding at the same time. my favorite cuddle time. my goal was 6 months for breast feeding (whoot I made it) it's now a year maybe longer. honestly i couldn't quit breast feeding if i wanted to. due to working we have had to supplement with formula. asher can't digest it, we've tried everything.
i never thought/knew i'd have the courage to say screw and breast feed in public without a cover because my baby refuses one these days.
before you have a baby you don't think about all the little things, i'm not gonna get into it. you will understand when you have one if you don't already.
i never ever thought i'd be a stay at home mom or that working with a child would be so damn hard. here i am quitting my job so i can stay home with my baby so he can go potty & i can raise him as best as i can.
people kept telling me it would get easier to work as he got older, nope not true. just different. i know plenty of mommies work with kids, and i wanna say hey you kick ass! i'm not saying being a stay at home mom is easier tho, those moms kick ass too.
i never thought i'd be so into the attached parenting/co sleeping thing. if you don't agree with it or think i'm spoiling my baby that's fine. yes he still gets up multiple times per night & that's fine with me. i love the cuddly & calm middle of the night nursing sessions. don't get me wrong i would love to sleep though the night at least once, but i know that this will pass and i will miss my warm late night cuddles from the boy i love so much.
So yes i'm quitting my job, embarking on a new and very scary(to me) adventure. my biggest fears are us starving to death and me going stir crazy. ha ha. i love my job and this was a very hard decision for me. mike and i decided it was the best decision for us at this time. i feel pretty guilty about it. hopefully it all works out for the best.
asher is now setting up on his own and growing so fast. it's so fun and so sad to look at pictures and realize how quickly he's growing and changing. he is a ham and full of personality. he is going to be into absolutely everything when he can crawl. i don't doubt that he will be chasing the dogs and cat around the house in no time. it's a good thing they love him. it is so amazing to be a parent. every bit of it, the extreme amount of love, the exhaustion, the worries, the giggles, the cuddles & the rewarding moments. I love being a mom & i'm looking forward to this new journey as a stay at home mom. hopefully ash will go potty (no more formula, yahoo) I will get my house clean & dinner made once in awhile. :)
